Bismillah. Before I start I want to remind you all that everything I post is a reminder to myself first and foremost and then to you. May Allah SWT accept all of our efforts and may He continue to bless us and guide us closer to Him.
I think for a while now, I’ve been lacking a solid form of expression. There are so many parts of my life that are so beautiful and little lessons that I’ve picked up that have molded me to who I am today. For that reason, I’m going to try posting blogs. If you’re interested in carrying on with reading, thank you and I hope God Willing these lessons will benefit all of us. I don’t think it would be fair to sum up in just a simple blog post how we can deal with loss of a loved one, but I can pick out some pieces that I find may be helpful God Willing.
For many, dealing with loss is an unfathomable concept. How does one overcome the loss of a loved one? This was the person who you laughed with, had inside jokes, understood you, advised you, and for some gave birth to you. How is it that one day your walking on this Earth and the next you are buried right beneath it? Subhan’Allah, there is so much wisdom behind the whole idea of death and it’s so much deeper than what we choose to understand. For people who have dealt with loss the feelings are undeniably hard but I’m here to let you know that by Allah, it will get better. I promise.
I’ve never been one who is afraid to talk about dealing with the loss of my mother. In fact, I bring her up in almost every single conversation I have with friends and family on a daily basis. The impact of my mother is so strong that I kid you not, there is not a single day that passes where I am not thinking of her. That is how much of a positive and strong impact she’d had on me. Okay Hanan….where are you going with this? Here’s the thing. There are so many people who don’t understand how I’ve been able to handle such a massive loss in my life. How can you go on with your days without the person who completes you by your side? Here are some of the factors that have led to be my strength Alhamdullillah and hopefully will help you too in dealing with your loss:
- Reliance Upon the Quran: I learned that the Quran was my book and that my soul relied on it. It wasn’t until I was at my lowest point that I realized how important the Quran was as a compass to help me navigate my life. I remember when I returned back to the hospital and my mother had passed Allah Yerhamha (الله يرحمه ), I was at a loss for emotion. Like a compass, subhanAllah the first instinct was to grab the Quran on her bedside and recite over her. I truly believe that Allah SWT guided me to do such a thing because had He not, I would have never even thought to pick up His book. This is especially considering I was in a massive state of shock. The tears flowed and my heart had ached, but the sound of reciting the Quran was a reassurance that my heart would be mended again by Allah Azwajjal. I had to contiously remind myself during the biggest trial of my life that Allah is Al-Jabbar (الجبار ), the Mender of Hearts. Returning to Him at my most vulnerable state made me realize how short dunya was and how weak I was without Him. This verse was such a reminder that life is short. Allah SWT says ” The Quran is guidance and glad tidings for those who believe.“(al-Baqara, 2/97). SubhanAllah. It truly is a guidance and it took an extra step of just picking His book up to remind me of that. All it takes is that extra step of effort. Pick up the Quran and ponder over His verses. Rely on Him and Him only.
- Reminding myself that I will be next: I can’t lie, like many of us I live this life as though I am promised another day. That’s a scary thought that I need to learn to deal fix. This life is not a place we live in forever. Allah SWT says in the Quran “O my people, this worldly life is only [temporary] enjoyment, and indeed, the Hereafter – that is the home of [permanent] settlement. “— Quran 40:39. With that, I had to remember that my mothers passing was her body [physical] staying in this life and her soul [spirtual] moving on to the next. This is the path that we take towards Allah Azwajjal. The body of my own mother that once had material dreams and goals, reminded me to look at myself and surrender. We are all souls with bodies, not the other way around. I too had to look at the fact that I was inevitable to being the next person who could pass away anytime now. I could no longer continue allowing myself to be completley distracted by this world. Yes there are bumps, and there are still bumps, but I needed to understand that my energy had to change. I had to focus on bettering my relationship with Allah and preparing myself for an interview with Him that I cannot leave from. So this is important. Reminding yourself too that at the end of the day, we need to consistently keep ourselves in check and look at everything with persecptive. Ask yourself. What should my goals be? How can I strengthen my relationship with the Al-Mighty and earn my Love for Him?
- Giving Sadaqah (charity) on their behalf: There are several things that will benefit the dead when they pass. One is to continue praying for them after every salah or even whenever they cross your mind. Pray that Allah Azwajjal widens their grave and fills it with His light. Pray that Allah will forgive them on that Day and that you will be able to see them and rejoice with one another in Jannah. The second is to give charity (sadaqah). ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “My mother has passed away, and if she could have spoken, she would have given something in charity. Will she receive a reward if I give something on her behalf?” He said, “Yes.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath, 1388). It’s amazing how your charity for an individual can be the reason they enter Jannah as they accumulate good deeds even after they pass until they meet Allah Azwajjal on the Day of Judgement. Another hadith stated that Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah said: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, my mother has died. Should I give charity on her behalf?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ I asked, ‘What kind of charity is best?’ He said, ‘Providing water.’” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i). Ofcourse, this form of sadaqah is not limited to only parents who have passed away but also other loved ones such as siblings, aunts, uncles, friends etc.
See, I could go on…and I will God Willing in my next post. For now, I pray that these will uplift you and remind you that Allah is with you wherever you are. That the pain you are going through right now will pass. It’s okay to be broken, but don’t let your broken pieces stay that way. Give those broken pieces to Allah Azwajjal and allow Him to fix you. Turn your tears to Him and open up your heart. I pray that Allah grants us all good in this world and good in the hereafter, and saves us from the punishment of the Fire. May Allah SWT protect us all and Allah Knows best.