A Journey Through Mama’s Journal: #2

mama

Kicking it off to the last A Journey Through Mama’s Journal series, this blog post is dedicated to continuing the translation of her work as a way of both reflecting and understanding my mother’s thoughts (Allah Yerhamha). Before I begin, I want to give a huge thanks to everyone of you that continue to support my blog posts. It means a lot that many of you care to read my writing, even though its been quite awhile since I’ve last found the time to post. With that being said, I hope that you carry on sticking through my blog posts and find inspiration in the pieces that I choose to share. The reflection of this post will be focusing on the concept of love.

Translation of her poetry journal piece [note: it’s difficult to translate her writing literally considering she uses arabic that is poetic in nature]

My life that has passed..

I’m hiding the blame, Oh the blame (guilt)

They ask me a lot about you, do you love him?

Yes, Yes, and why would I deny it?

They looked at me with blame

and they told me words that hurt me.

Lay out the earth with tears like a carpet,

and the sun hurts me, all of this because I loved?

or is it because I said I loved?

Oh eyes that are thirsty with insomnia, 

Oh hearts that are yearning for travel,

increase in love and you will find darkness in a thousand moons.

 

This piece really spoke to how impactful love can feel to many of us. When we talk about love, we usually express that it’s something we aim to feel at its fullest one day. Yet, can we grasp what it means? What exactly is love? Can it mean something different to individuals? The concept of love, in it of itself, is a complicated idea. Yet, everyone is fleeting, chasing for a way to somewhat feel that feeling. Is this not true?

What is love then? To me, love can mean forgiveness. To mama, it was to increase in love in order to feel a sense of rejuvenation with her sense of self.  When I describe love as forgiveness, I mean that love knows that you will get hurt and when it fails time and time again, you continue to use forgiveness as a tool to move forward. Love becomes a method many of use to sometimes cover our pain and carry on putting the people we love ahead of us in order to maintain that feeling we so desperately crave. It’s a perfectly normal human emotion. It’s in our nature to seek love.
With love can also come growth. The growth of love may be replacing toxic people with those who help you understand your weaknesses and make your heart feel at ease. It can also include growth within yourself. A place where your peace of mind becomes an important aspect of what love means to you. It is a way of loving yourself through the challenges that you’ve been through.
But love can also come with betrayal. When the person you trusted the most let’s you down and you are reminded to humble yourself to the One who gives the most love.

At the same time, although with love there may come happiness, sadness can tread right behind. Love can come with betrayal. When the person you trusted the most let’s you down and you are reminded to humble yourself to the One who gives the most love.

Love is aware that growth is a fundamental part of being a better you. That with pain, comes ease and a way of challenging yourself. Yes, love does come with growth, and growth can sometimes bring about a crushing feeling, but you learn parts of yourself that you never knew were present.  It’s almost like your heart takes the love it knows it needs and stretches it out to different experiences in your life when it’s most required. But who controls this love?

Love takes in moments that allow your heart to feel relaxed. It is a valuable choice that you as an individual can make everyday. You choose whether you spread love or keep it  to yourself. How you make that choice to express your love, also comes with compromise and sometimes letting go of someone/something that you may have believed was good for you.

Love takes up a huge chunk of space, sometimes every part of our being. It can have the power to take in every piece of you, and you may find yourself unaware of how the feeling started or ended. Love can be sweet and kind, or forced and constrained. Love can be a way of healing, a form of clarity. I’ve noticed that for me, my love expands through my friends and family. They are the ones who understand my weaknesses through love and continue pushing me even when I fail. In a chunk, love can be loyal.

Yet, here’s the thing, regardless of the many ways I can try to sum up what love means to me, all of us will probably still continue to chase and try to seek love in places where we think we can find it. At the end of it all though, real loves comes from Allah Azwajjal. This is the love where you sacrifice your worries in the hands of Allah. It is to allow yourself to be fully immersed in His mercy and put Him first. Love is Allah Azwajjal.

I had to learn the hard way that when I put my love for Allah before anything else, my love for others became more balanced. Of course, it’s still a work in progress and in the end, the concept of love can take on different meanings to different people. What it means to me, may not mean the same to you. All in all, continue striving to love in the best way possible. Aim to spread your best version of love and be kind.

With that being said, I’d love to hear your responses on what the concept of love is to you and how it’s shaped you as a person. I hope you are reading this blog post with the best of health and faith. I pray that Allah Azwajjal keeps us steadfast and increases our love for Him each and everyday. You can message me privately through my social media handles or leave a comment!

Also, this Ramadan, I will be challenging myself to post 30 blog posts, for the 30 days of ramadan God Willing. So keep an eye out for that!

 

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